Featured Post

Radar Love

It’s little over an hour into the evening power cut. I’m staring at the road from my balcony. Just aimlessly looking for something worth loo...

Thursday, August 18, 2022

You're not special

Life is indeed fragile. We are being brutally reminded of that fact by something that grows, mutates and spreads using our own bodies. But it doesn't necessarily take that much complexity to end a life. Things that could kill us probably range from somewhere around solar flares to an inconsiderately placed banana peel.  And yet we are hard wired to believe that each individual is somehow unique from the other and whatever tragedy befallen on a fellow human would probably never happen to us; Where in reality, odds are far greater than what we may want to admit. This defense mechanism is built into the brain to protect itself from its own intelligence and rationality. And when this protection is overwhelmed with cold hard facts, otherwise rational people resort to the supernatural. Seeking comfort of ignorance.

Many belief systems arise out of fear; Fear of the unknown, suffering and uncertainty of life. The existence of such beliefs or the urge to create new, is what makes us function as living and breathing units of nature. So in retrospect supernatural or otherwise beliefs that give purpose, hope and certainty may be an evolutionary counter weight to the rational part of the brain.

The human brain, even at its finest, although may not be alone, is completely incapable of an objective understanding of the universe. Because it cannot directly interact with anything without creating mental constructs to act as conceptual buffers. Many conflicts are merely inconsistencies between these constructs and the external factors themselves. So whatever fears lurking in the back of your head are there because you are afraid of the inevitable conflict. 

But the good news is before you were born, this subjective universe of yours didn't exist and without you it won't continue. So what you are really afraid of is the volatile nature of your mental constructs and the pain they produce midst of change.

And yet when you see the slightest hint of sickness or pain in your child, you'll probably kick your rational brain out the door and start praying to every god you can think of. So let's not be ashamed of our invisible tail and embrace the balance it brings to life.

Life, insanity, and happiness


"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".  This quote is widely credited to Albert Einstein. But we'll never know for sure. What matters is the meaning and somewhat depressing facts those words carry.

Life is repetitive. We are born into a world we know nothing of. We'd start to learn and build relationships with people, things and even ourselves. We'd try and fail to control things that are out of our reach. We'd see happiness in food, wealth, sex and many other things. And we'd chase and chase to have'em all but nothing will ever be enough. Because happiness, like everything else, is temporary.

Existence is absurdly terrifying. We have no clue about anything. We never did. And that makes us afraid. Being afraid is the default state of life. Recurring fear of pain, heartache and despair. No matter what story we made ourselves believe in, deep down all that we are, is afraid. And that makes us sad. Most of our lives, we spend trying to distract ourselves with short bursts of dopamine. And then we die, giving birth to a generation that'll do exactly the same; because we leave specific instructions, rules, religions and societal norms to make sure that our children will fall into the same trap as we did.

Humanity truly is insane. Complex systems we built and operate in pursuit of happiness, are failing to deliver what was promised. Or may be they were never designed to make all of us happy. Yet we keep pushing on and on. Doing the same thing over and over again, pretending all is well. All of the effort, so that one day we could stop and may be find solace in all of our gains. But will that day ever be here?. Can we break out of this loop of insanity?  

Thursday, May 19, 2022

Radar Love

It’s little over an hour into the evening power cut. I’m staring at the road from my balcony. Just aimlessly looking for something worth looking at. Streets have gone darker by the night. There’s hardly any traffic. A lingering little shadow caught my eye. It’s one of the crows. 

Couple of ‘em comes every night and sits on the same spot. Right in the middle of the power line between the pole and our home. I’ve seen ‘em sit through heavy rain and cold nights, always turned to the same direction. There’s something there. There must be. But today, I see one.

Their act cause me pain. While my wife lights up every time, I see a tragedy, waiting to befall. Bonds are temporary. The joy when they last, is followed by an inevitable suffering. Payback, if you will. Looking at ‘em both cuddled in the night and seeing one ‘em waiting in uncertainty for the other one to return, makes my heart equally ache. 

Our views of existence puts light years between us. I wonder where we started to drift apart. I’m sure it’s me. I had a habit of conforming my personality into something else when I’m with her. And to desperately be an idea she’d fall in love with. Because I wanted her badly. But then, I’m sad and depressed. It’s my neutral state. I returned to being myself when the happy hormones left my system. I’m sure that killed the fireworks. I do love my wife. I’d sit through any storm for however long the night is. I did fake my way into her life but I’d be real as it gets; when she needs me to be. 

Other one is yet to return. Distance and uncertainty are their fears. But mine is existential. I keep getting lost in this mediocre reality. But the show must go on. I owe this much to her.